Introduction
Reflecting on my own history, I have been remembering some things in my past -choices that I made, ways I treated people, actions that I took in ignorance, things I said, some sinful-some not. Sometimes when I think about things like this, I start getting weighed down and get a sense of heaviness from the burden of my past. Some of the events are trivial, but still bother me. (I wrote about being grounded in God’s assurance in an article titled, Spiritual Assurances.)
Billy’s Tooth
For example, one of the things that I thought about was an event that happened when I was in the 5th or 6th grade. When I was in elementary school I played little league baseball. During one late afternoon baseball game was an event that has haunted me for years and years. My best friend Billy was pitching for us and a batter hit a high pop fly right between Billy and the catcher. Both of them went for it and collided with Billy’s mouth hitting the catcher’s forehead. It was quite a collision, stopping the game. I came in from where I had been playing center field and joined in the commotion near the pitcher’s mound. My friend was hurt and was holding his mouth. There was blood and he was moaning, obviously in pain, and the coaches and parents were trying to decide what to do. The two had hit hard enough for one of Billy’s front teeth to get knocked out and it put a dent in the catcher’s forehead. I found Billy’s tooth on the ground and put it in my pocket thinking that Billy would want it later, while the adults decided to rush Billy off to the hospital.
I found out later that Billy was going to get a false tooth, but if he had brought the tooth with him to the hospital, (yes, the one I had in my pocket!) they could have put it back in. After the sixth grade, we went to different schools and I lost contact with him. I apologized to him at the time, but I still feel badly to this day when I think about it.
Wrong Decisions
The issue here is that I (and Billy), still live with that wrong decision years later. (This is just one of the wrong decisions I have made!) It is important that I was reconciled to my friend, but sometimes it is hard to forgive ourselves for our decisions. To help me to think correctly about things like this past event, I am reminded about what Paul said in the book of Philippians. In this passage Paul talks about his desire to live a righteous life through faith in Christ, and says this,
“Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”1
Paul decided to forget the past events and wrong decisions, and look to the goal of every true believer: living a life pleasing to God. The only way Paul, or any of us, can do this is to first be reconciled to God through faith in Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross. Then, we have a basis and the right context to forgive others and ourselves.
Forgive Yourself
Learning to forgive ourselves is a common theme in popular culture, but they tend to leave out what the forgiveness is based on. When they talk about forgiveness, they conclude that it is healthier to forgive, and might say things like, “It frees us from bitterness and anger, two difficult emotions that can disrupt our physical health and hold us back.”2 You might also hear things like, forgive your parents, forgive those who wrong you, and forgive yourselves. What is the basis, what is the context, of this forgiveness? There is none. I submit to you that the real basis for forgiveness is given to us by God, when the Bible tells us: “We love, because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) God has demonstrated His love for us by sending His son, Jesus.3 God’s love for us enabled Him to forgive us, and we are able to forgive and love others, because He first loved us. This truth also applies to forgiving ourselves. If God forgives us when we agree with Him that we have fallen short of His standard4, how can we hold out to a higher standard and not forgive ourselves? There is no higher standard than our Creator’s.
Conclusion
It is important then to have a basis for our forgiveness, one rooted not in ourselves, but in God, our creator. Once I have been reconciled to God through His forgiveness, I can truly be reconciled to others, and finally be able to forgive myself. How I think about past events like my friend Billy’s missing tooth, should be based on the forgiveness that God provides -not my feelings.
1 Philippians 3:13-14
2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202201/how-forgive-yourself 5/25/22
3 John 3:16-17 says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him.”
4 The phrase “when we agree with Him that we have fallen short of His standard,” is another way of saying that “we have repented of our sin.” This is what Jesus is talking about in Luke 24:46-47 when He says, “Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and rise again from the dead the third day; and that repentance for forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem.”